Winter

So.

I’ve been trying to make a mental list of who reads this blog that also knows me in real life.

I think I have you all pegged.

But I could be wrong. These things get around, you know.

This is why I sometimes wish I blogged anonymously.

Though my stats would be much lower then.

Hmm.

Anyway. The reason I bring this up is that there’s been “stuff” happening. Serious “stuff.” It isn’t about me, directly, so it’s just a matter of protecting privacy.

To the people I know in real life: I’d tell ya anyway.

To the people I don’t know in real life: I am anonymous, so it doesn’t really matter what I write.

To the people I know in real life who are anonymously reading: DL, okay? No offense, but you’re the people I’m worried about.

Anyway.

A sibling of mine attempted suicide last Friday.

I know. Difficult to wrap your head around it, isn’t it?

Since then, he’s been in the Adult Psychiatric unit and more realities about his life for the past …many… years have been coming out.

It’s really, really sad.

And I don’t know what to tell him, except that: We love you. Life will get better.

But it doesn’t seem like he’s in a place right now to buy that.

What does one say?

Anyway, I might delete this in a fit of paranoia or guilt. It isn’t really mine to share, so I’m sorry if reporting this offends anyone. It is wrong to share this? I think it might be.

I just haven’t even had time to talk to anyone in my real life. It’s the hospital every night. The boyfriend helps, but feels incredibly guilty for not being here. Especially since those two have always had such a great connection.

Like Tori says, “When you gonna make up your mind? When you gonna love you as much as I do?”

If only Tori could speak to him the way she speaks to me.

Ha. Attempt at a joke.

Anyway.

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8 Responses to “Winter”

  1. Vittoria Says:

    Sarah, I am so. So. So sorry. Is it weird to say I’m grateful it was just an “attempt” and know (even though I do *not* know you) that having his family around will help him so much right now? And that you’re wonderful and he’s lucky to have you? And it WILL be ok? Ugh there’s just so little to say. Good luck. My thoughts are with you and your fam.

  2. Kir Says:

    Got your VM this morning. I.love.you.

  3. Holly Says:

    I am really sorry to hear about this too. Don’t feel bad about posting; writing is cathartic. I’m glad he has you.

  4. Ann Says:

    My family went through a similar situation a few years ago. My older brother, who managed to hide his meth addiction from us for about a year, ended up in the psych ward on suicide watch. It was one of those moments when we all looked at each other blankly and couldn’t find the words to say.

    He got through it, but it took time, rehab, a lot of therapy, and ditching many of his toxic friends. As a family, we found that he needed us to listen more than talk. He needed to be able to tell us what he’d done and what he was going through and to be reassured that we still loved him.

    It wasn’t easy, but it has made us a more tightly-knit family for having weathered it together.

    Sorry you’re having to go through this.
    Keep writing. It helps to get it out there.

  5. Canto Says:

    I’m sorry to hear this. It is so difficult when loved ones are going through such rough times. You and your family are there for him, and we are here for you. Whatever you need, just say the word.

  6. Anita Says:

    *raises hand in awkward not quite knowing you status but rest assured that I read because I love what you write, not because I want to be a hater*

    My thoughts are with your family right now… as someone who attempted suicide in high school… there are no words. Being there, being available, telling someone you love them, and supporting them on the long journey of ups and downs is what you need to do. Look them in the eye, squeeze their hand, BE YOURSELF. It was always hard when people didn’t treat me like a normal person anymore – I was still a normal person, just a normal person with a serious illness that needed to be treated. It might take a long time, and it might be swift, but the recovery will happen on it’s own time…

    I am sorry and I feel you, your family, and your siblings pain. Take each day one step at a time…

  7. Bean Says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this 😦 Know my thoughts and prayers are with you and the fam and that I’m ready to answer my phone whenever you need to talk. Love ya

  8. Sarah Says:

    Thanks for the supportive words. They help!

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