Archive for the ‘masochism/running’ Category

A Bad Omen?


I just finished registering for a half-marathon. (Yes, it is a long way.)

When paying, the random word verification startled me. It read:


Who knew PayPal could be so soothsaying?

And dramatic.



Do you see a theme?


This year, I hate Year-End-Reviews. Because if I did one for myself, it might look like this:

2008: The Year of the Almosts

January: The Boyfriend Who Shall Remain Nameless (TBWSRN – long and annoying, no?) begins Elusive Job Hunt- all interviews are out of town.

(And before you get all- it’s just your boyfriend, don’t you have a life, blahblahblahhhhh… YES. I have a very good life, actually. Thank you for asking. BUT when you’ve been together so long you’re practically married and literally EVERY job interview was out of town, YES. My year did kind of sort of revolve around his job search. You spend your year going… are we? aren’t we? And this is meant to be a bitter list. So, bitter it tiz.)

February: TBWSRN has a heavy moot court month – competitions out of town

March: TBWSRN and I plan a trip to London. Which he has to miss because of unanticipated job interview.

April: Um, think he’s in town.

Beginning of May: TBWSRN interviews for more jobs. And gets one! Oh yay!

End of May: Another, better job offer! Takes it!

June: The “better” job (with the G-O-V-T) is moved to a new department. Has to re-interview. Gets it!

Beginning of July: The entire department is cut. No job. Seriously.

Mid-July: People feel bad for him (as they – ahem – should) and help him find a new job. We’re moving and it’s settled. Yaaay.

End of July: New job -fun surprise!- wants him to stay in Minneapolis for first six months. Not moving anymore. At least not for awhile.

August: Month spent in godforsaken hotbox that is apartment that was meant to be temporary because …we’re moving, right?

September: TBWSRN gets an AWESOME opportunity to work with an AWESOME “someone’s” campaign. Does it. Obvs.

October: TBWSRN is still campaigning. Doesn’t make it home.

November: TBWSRN takes a job offer from said AWESOME “someone.” Angels come down from heaven and shake my hand. I Hyperventilate. Break out in metaphorical hives. Annnnnd- he gets to come home for Thanksgiving! Wee! Head spins like the chick in the Exorcism.

December: Able to calm down. The Boy is still working between Chicago and DC. So, no holiday visits. Temporary Sadness.

SO – good year, no? Well, if you want to get all technical on me, there were some incredible parts. My wish for 2009, though, is for a little freakin’ stability.

So let’s get to the many good, incredible things that happened in 2008 that had nothing whatsoever to do with a male, like:

  • my principal having mercy on me and giving me my job back
  • friend’s wedding
  • a trip to fabulous Las Vegas with Bean to visit Amanda (the PCD, remember)
  • getting incredibly acquainted with the girls from SATC during my alone time (that sounds dirty, but isn’t) (but would almost be sort of cool if it was?)
  • experiencing London with Kirsten
  • Rachel’s health getting better and better every single stinkin’ day! Take that, TBI! Take that desensitized and overworked doctors! Lesson learned: you NEVER give up on people.
  • adopting a little doggy friend, Iris
  • going to DC for .5 seconds, walking around all independent-like
  • meeting up with TBWSRN romantic-comedy style in New York City. It’s about the city, not the male.
  • training for and running my very first half marathon
  • OBAAAAMAAAA (okay, this one has to do with a male)
  • encountering Netflix and making it my new boyfriend (not technically a male)

Though it’s been a rough-and-tumble kinda year, it could absolutely be worse. I can still say I’m genuinely happy. AND healthy. I even overcame my fear of the dentist this year. We’ll save that story for another time.

For these, I can be grateful.

Sidenote: I figure that, for those of you who don’t know me personally¬† and who don’t *get* to hear the day-to-day details of the litany above, I should clarify that the bitterness is directed towards Lady Luck – who I will not adjectify because it wouldn’t be ladylike – and not toward TBWSRN, who has been thoughtfully maintaining our relationship through all of the crap.

Songs Deemed “Good Enough” to be Running Companions


By me and my iPod

1. J’ai peur parfois – (the french) Adele (when I was looking for the British one)

2. We Didn’t Start the Fire – Billy Joel

3. Bebot – Black Eyed Peas

4. Song 2 – Blur

5. I Tried – Bone Thugs -N- Harmony

6. Born to Run – Bruce Springsteen

7. Crush – David Archuleta

8. Get Like Me – David Banner

9. Out Here Grindin’ – DJ Khaled

10. Swagger – Flogging Molly

11. Free Willy – Jacko (The gospel choir gets me every time.)

12. Baby It’s You – JoJo

13. One Step at a Time – Jordin Sparks

14. Love Lockdown – Kanye West

15. Merry Happy – Kate Nash

16. Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon

17. A Milli – Lil Wayne

18. Daydreamin’ – Lupe Fiasco Feat. Jill Scott

19. Hi Hater – Maino

20. How Far We’ve Come – Matchbox Twenty

21. See You Again – Miley Cyrus (hush)

22. She Wants to Move – N.E.R.D.

23. Everyone Nose (All the Girls Standing in the Line for the Bathroom) – N.E.R.D.

24. Here It Goes Again – ok go

25. So What – Pink

26. The District Sleeps Alone Tonight – The Postal Service

27. When I Grow Up – Pussycat Dolls

28. On the Radio -Regina Spektor

29. Dey Know – Shawty Lo

30. Live Your Life – T.I. Feat. Rihanna

31. Back In Your Head – Tegan and Sara

32. Nineteen – Tegan and Sarah

33. Blue Orchid – White Stripes

Revealed: The Internal Dialogue of a Half-Marathoner


8:42 AM*, Starting Line: Cold, cold, cold.

8:55 AM, Mile 1: STILL have random people one inch away from me. People, back off! Can’t you see I’m trying to run 13 miles here?!? Worry, worry. Can’t seem to be able to set a steady pace.

9:15 AM, Mile 3: “I Tried” by -yes- Bone, Thugs -N- Harmony comes on. Adopt this as personal motto for race. “Let me explain that I’m just a black man…” Wait, not that part. “I tried so hard…” – there it is.

9:35 AM, Mile 5: Runners around me begin to spread out. FINALLY. Breathe, calm down. Springsteen’s “Born to Run” comes on. Predictable, I know.

Friend of friend who regularly appears next to me in races is again running at same pace. Do I say something? What if by saying something I use more energy and can’t make it? Oh, you’ll be fine. (Look in her direction) No, she’s concentrating. She’s way into this. Crap, I need to get more into this.

9:55 AM, Mile 7: Hills approaching. Pink’s (I REFUSE to substitute the “i” for an exclamation point. Who does that?) “So What” blaring. Pair of killer inclines in sight. Apply hill strategy: music at full volume, go tippy-toe, back straight, stare at the ground, BREATHE.

10:05 AM, Mile 8: I AM a rock star! I DO have rock moves! I’m 8 miles in already?!? (Immediate swelling of head)

10:10 AM, Mile 8.5: Pull out candy stash stuffed in sports bra, pop some jelly beans. Stick hand down shirt to shove back in. Guy next to me shakes head and laughs. What do you think YOU’RE looking at? Stuffing things in a private-part area is personal business, SIR! Avert your eyes!

10:15 AM, Mile 9: Celebrated too soon. Slowly feel the dying move up my legs. Okay, I know family and cameras are coming soon. Look in control, look perky.

10:18 AM, Mile 9ish: Shit. Shitshitshit. Ignore the fatigue. Ignore. Ignore!

10:25 AM, Mile 10: Smile and wave to cameras of other people’s families on the left, turn to the right and see my family, try to communicate casually via eyebrows and lips that someone needs to fake a heart attack IMMEDIATELY so I have a damn good reason to stop. Please- can’t someone just drop dead so I can quit this thing?

10:35 AM, Mile 11: Maybe I’ll just walk. NO! You didn’t train this hard to walk! Wuss! (Become angry with and criticize self until it is a certainty that I will not stop.) Slow WAY down to a walkish jog.

10:38 AM, Still Mile 11: Plan! Continue walkish jog until mile 12 to conserve energy!! Brilliant! MUST cross finish line running looking bad ass!

10:40 AM, Almost to Mile 12: Miley Cyrus, “See You Again” on the iPod. Sing loud and unabashedly. MUST be delirious to admit so publicly that I’m listening to Miley Cyrus.

10:45 AM, Mile 12: End-is-near, I-think-I’ve-made-it, out-of-body-experience time. Standard closer is on: DJ Khaled’s “Out Here Grindin’.”¬† Run faster. One more hill? You’re going DOWN, stupid bleeping hill.

10:55 AM, Finish Line: Ache, ache, ache. What? You want me to BEND DOWN to untie the chip? “How was the race?” says sadistic Chip-Taker-Girl. “It almost killed me,” with deadpan expression. (Awkward Laugh from Chip-Taker-Girl.)


Congrats to my running friends! We did it!

*Times are estimates. I finished in something like 2:13ish so I applied fuzzy math to that number and what resulted is listed above. Mileage may or may not also be off. In other words, the only thing precise about this is that only crazy people run for enjoyment.

10 and 7


10: I was able to find my happy place during the race today and stay there for approximately 1 hour and 39 minutes. Congrats to my running friends who also rocked it out today.

7: Iris is 7 months old, which – in puppy terms – means she is becoming a woman. Well, thee who giveth can also taketh away (or something like that?) so, on behalf of her doggy mother, I will be taking Iris to get spayed tomorrow. And so the sun sets on Iris’ womanhood.

In an effort to tie these two bits of unrelated news together, below is a computer-generated image of 7-month old Iris running a 10-mile race. On the beach, no less. So spoiled.

Getting My Jollies (and Jellies) While Jogging


Old Sarah would tear open one of these expensive (forty dollars for a case of 24!), unappetizing packages of gel -which resemble in appearance a certain bodily fluid that will not be named here- for an energy burst during a long run.

New Sarah discovered a cheaper, albeit less scientifically-based, alternative today: jolly ranchers and jelly beans.

Ghetto? Sure. Effective? Absolutely.

Thank you, J & Js, for getting us through that last mile.

P.S. See? I’m not the only one excited about it: Holly raves about it too!